Dealing with Overwhelm

Being overwhelmed is not just about how much you have to do. It's as much about the resources that you have in the bank to deal with those things that come your way. 

Think of it like have a cup. The cup is full to the brim of all the things that you are dealing with. It's a bit of a juggling act but you are just about keeping going. 

Then one thing happens. It doesn't have to be a big thing. It can be someone being a bit off with you, dropping something on the floor, tripping up...but that extra thing, added to an already full cup, is all it takes to make the cup overflow and you find yourself no longer able to cope with everything. 

What signs might there be that you are overwhelmed?

• You can't think straight. It's impossible to focus on something that requires your thinking brain
• You forget stuff, including your words and how to speak!
• You have no motivation to do even the smallest task (hence this game) 
• You feel tired but you are not getting good sleep
• Things make you mad or upset and you don't know why
• You feel that you should be doing stuff for the future but it all feels a bit pointless
• You resent other people who appear to be getting stuff done and wonder why you are different

How do you deal with it?

Firstly, you are normal.

Have you ever seen a movie trailer and then gone to watch to film only to find all the good bits were in the trailer and the rest of the film was rubbish? Don't compare your day to day grind with someone else's highlight reel.  There are people posting on social media with all the things they are doing but you have to remember a) they are choosing what to post - you are seeing the highlights, not the full story and b) everyone that struggling isn't posting - so you have no idea how many people are in the same boat as you!

Chunking up and Chunking down

To deal with feeling overwhelmed, you need to shift your perspective to either chunk up or chunk down. Let me explain. 

Your brain is organised into different memory sections. You have a lot to process, and it's impossible to have all of it instantly accessible. So there is an area of your brain for short term, instant access stuff. Think of this like 7 empty blocks. As you go through the day, your thoughts move in and out of those blocks. For example: I'm writing this lesson, 1 block. I'm meeting a friend for a coffee in a bit so keeping an eye on time, 1 block. I'm messaging with my cousin about familyt stuff, 1 block. My stomach is rumbling but I feel I should have food with my coffee, 1 block. I've just posted something on instagram that I want to see how it's doing, 1 block. I am listening to the radio and listening out for traffic problems, 1 block. I am checking my internet browser for new email and Facebook notifications, 1 block. That's 7 blocks. So if I want to do something else, I will have to clear a space with one of the other activities in it. For example, I might need to switch the radio off and put my phone on silent so I can ignore messages, to make sure I can write stuff down in here. 

When you are overwhelmed, instead of being filled with practical things, these 7 blocks go fuzzy. They are filled with emotions, and worries and things that you can't do anything about right now but feel you need to think about. This means there are no blocks free for the sorts of things I just listed. You literally find yourself not being able to think (if you have kids this is the same effect as when they are little and on at you all the time for different things!)

To deal with this we need to be deliberate about keeping those blocks clear by choosing when to chunk up and chunk down.

When to chunk down

When you feel overwhelmed thinking about the next weeks / months or even year, you need to chunk down. We predict our future based on past experiences. We are always doing this. In fact, we do it so much that we actually spend very little time in the present. When things are rubbish, it means your prediction of your future also becomes rubbish. To get through this you need to trick your brain and Chunk Down until you can cope

• Think about the next 10 minutes. 
• When you can deal with that, think about the next hour
• When you can deal with that think about the next half day
• When you can deal with that think about the next day

If you find yourself getting overwhelmed again, chunk back down

When to chunk up

When you don't know where to start because you have got so much to do right now, chunk up. When you feel that keeping all the plates spinning is a hopeless task and you feel like giving up, chunk up. We predict our future based on past experiences. If you are struggling right now, as far as your brain is concerned, every moment of the rest of your life is going to be equally as bad. This isn't true. It's actually impossible to stay in exactly the same state for any length of time - good or bad! To get through this you need to get out of the detail and Chunk Up until you can cope

• How long will what you are dealing with today really remain a problem in your life?
• Will this problem still be there next week, next month, next year? 
• Will this problem still be there in 5 years, 10 years? 

If you find yourself getting overwhelmed again, chunk back up.